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Vinnie

Dad Jokes

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How much space is available in Europe following Brexit? 

1GB 

 

Im listening to a new band on Spotify called Duvet... 

They're a cover band

 

If you see a thread from me about canned meat, dont open it.  

Its Spam

 

 

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Today I had someone knock at the door asking for donations for the local swimming pool.  I gave them a glass of water. 

 

I was driving through town last night and my wife says "Hey, you missed a right".  So I replied, "Aww thanks, babe, MRS Right".

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If I ever have identical twin daughters, Im gonna call one of them Kate.  And the other Dupli-Kate

 

Six topless ladies sounds amazing..... Dozen tit

Edited by Vinnie

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I had an argument all day about what to call a medieval soldier.  It was getting late so we called it a Knight. 

 

There was a chameleon that couldnt change colour.  He was diagnosed with reptile dysfunction. 

 

I fell out with my boss and quit my job at the helium factory.  No one speaks to me in that tone of voice. 

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A man goes to the doctor and says Doc I'm addicted to Twitter. The Doc says sorry I don't follow you.

 

What did the shark say when he ate the clownfish? That tasted a little funny.

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On 05/02/2020 at 19:12, Piracy said:

Red Indian virgin

Cheyenne 

Took a few days, but just got that now.

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I washed my car with my son last night.  He said "Dad, cant you just use a sponge?". 

A few years back I quit being vegan.  The most effective way was cold turkey. 

Around the same time I was addicted to Viagra.  It was the hardest time of my life.

 

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I love the way the Earth rotates.  Really makes my day. 

Dont wish to brag, but I have sychic powers.  For example, right now youre thinking - "Its psychic, you bawbag"

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Went to the shops yesterday for eight cans of Sprite.  Got home and realised I only picked seven up. 

 

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Ive just set up own business where I specialise in weighing tiny objects.  Its a small scale operation. 

Bored at work yesterday so I memorized six pages of the dictionary.  This morning I remember next to nothing. 

 

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