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average white par

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average white par last won the day on June 29

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  1. average white par

    Transfers / signings

    We're not as thin up top as Superally is... still a few random strands to cling to, as it were
  2. average white par

    Well, someone's got to mention it...

    Me neither, although I used to check the Bury score every week, due mainly to the gentleman pictured on my left... Those days are over, unfortunately, and I get the feeling that they won't be the last team at that level to go down the tubes... tough times for lots of smaller clubs these days...
  3. average white par

    The Greasy Chip Butty Song

    ^^ Thumbist bastrd...
  4. average white par

    The Greasy Chip Butty Song

    Fk me... I tell you what, Pars fans, I've been slavering obtuse Milliganesque crap on Pars forums for years, but this is truly plumbing the depths... Get a haud o' yerself min... think of the wee bairns...
  5. average white par

    Funny Football Video Clips

    It wasn't the only ball that went wide, by the looks of it...
  6. average white par

    2019/20 Prediction League Champion

    Total fix. I demand an asterisk. I also demand a complete reconstruction of this Prediction League, with the bottom placed predictor being placed in charge of the entire reconstruction process. With plenty games left, this has ruined the chance for a potential late season comeback by the likes of Superally, due to the bizarre decisions made by the powers that be who, oddly enough, are also called Superally. It's a total and absolute sham, scandalous in the extreme, and is a total bloody disgrace IMO...
  7. average white par

    Coronavirus - Reasons to be optimistic

    Down here in "Twilight Zone Del Mar" there's an 84 year old wifie in quarantine banging out face masks on her sewing machine. Margarita Gil Baro, of Cadiz, personally sews face masks at home (up to 50 a day) and donates them to the local hospital. Sra. Gil Baro (who was born at the start of the Spanish Civil War ffs) said "I cannot sit idly by watching this happen, learning that there are more and more sick and dead. I'm going to start making masks." So she did... And here's a wee snap of the fine lady doing her bit...Utterly brilliant...
  8. average white par

    Coronavirus - Reasons to be optimistic

    Here's a reason to be optimistic, I think. Not my cup of tea usually but I found this quite pertinent.
  9. average white par

    Coronavirus - Reasons to be optimistic

    Fair enough neebs. I must confess that I also have a deep distrust of this type of thing, which probably explains my total disinterest and lack of participation on any form of social media. It could also be because I have a crappy cheap phone, but that's another dilemma altogether...
  10. average white par

    Coronavirus - Reasons to be optimistic

    I'm not quite sure where you're going with that last post either, Vincent.. I'm Scottish but I live in Spain. However, when I write to my relatives, no matter where they are, I wouldn't write to them in Spanish would I? Am I just being doavey here?
  11. average white par

    The creativity of self-isolation

    I read a story this morning about a guy under lockdown in France who ran a whole marathon on his 7 metre balcony. This impresses me greatly since I also have a 7 metre balcony and most days I can barely make it from one end to the other without having to stop for a pint. #commitment
  12. average white par

    My symptoms of Coronavirus paranoia

    Oh, it was much worse than that Robert... the phrase "mechanically separated Baffie" springs to mind... However, during these troubled times, it's a good example of how, using the simple ingredients and techniques listed above, you can turn the loss of a well loved family pet into a tasty meal for 4. Believe me, few things have gladdened my heart more than the satisfied look on the bairn's wee faces after a hearty bowl of Baffie Soup... Oh, if you happen to lose a budgie, the dish can always be padded out with a couple of large Russet potatoes (my granny taught me that one) Cheers AWP
  13. average white par

    My symptoms of Coronavirus paranoia

    No apologies are necessary Robert. After all. how were you to know? I actually used to have a pair of Baffies but one met it's demise in a quite horrific gardening accident. I won't bore you with the gory details but suffice to say I was scraping blood stained furballs and carrot residue off the garden fence for the best part of a week... However, I managed to make the best of the situation with the simple addition of half an onion, 4 cloves of garlic, some carrots (in remembrance), and a tin of beef stock. Simply fry the Baffie until thoroughly browned, and set aside. Fry the onion, carrots and garlic until translucent and re-add the Baffie. Add the stock and simmer gently for 1 hour until the Baffie can be pierced easily with a fork. Garnish with parsley and salt and pepper to taste. Serves 4 So it wasn't all bad, you know...?
  14. average white par

    My symptoms of Coronavirus paranoia

    You understand perfectly Robert... truly you are a man of great experience and wisdom, and myself and my pet rabbit (whose name is "Baffie") greatly appreciate your co-operation in this matter...
  15. It's a bit mental down here, Pars fans... the supermarkets are empty, as are many of the shelves (the red wine shelf being the most annoying of all)... I had a mini panic this morning when I developed a spectacular cough, which I immediately put down to my excessive tobacco consumption...or Coronavirus... The cough started in silence. First, the smoke was sucked deeply into the lungs while I began what was sure to be an agonised body spasm. My face first turned a rather sweaty green colour, my shoulders hunched... Legs bent, my hand gripped my pallid thighs in preparation for the coming convulsion... The cough began somewhere down in my shins, and I prepared by screwing my eyes tight,(lest they be jettisoned from my head) and my mouth gripped tight to preserve my shattered teeth, which are under enough pressure as it is... Suddenly, from afar, there came a sound like the rumbling of a hundred early Victorian water closets. Slowly, my body began to tremble and my bones to rattle. The first things to shake were my ankles, and the shakes swiftly travelled up my shins to my knees, which began to revolve and turn to jelly before they headed past my stomach and made their merry way to my blackened lungs... This was the point where a sound like a 3 ton garden roller being pulled over corrugated iron was heard approaching my heaving chest. My convulsed body was truly a pattern of many hues and colours, from a delicate green at my ankle to layers of pinks, blues, varicose purple and sweaty red. As the cough rose up my inflated throat it had now reached my inner mouth, my last line of defence. My cheeks were like football bladders. The climax was nigh! My whole body was now a purple shuddering mass but after several incredible attempts to contain the cough, my gub finally exploded open... Loose teeth, bits of breakfast and a terrible rasping noise filled the room, followed by a long silent stream of spume laden air... On and on it went until my whole body was drained of oxygen, my eyes were popping and the veins on my head were protruding like vines... Finally ,fresh air was sucked back in to my body just in time to do it all over again... So what do you think? Do I have Coronavirus or should I just smoke less fags?
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